Simplicity, Revisited

bird-in-sunrise

Simplicity. In the seven years since I started this blog, I have concluded that:

1. Simplicity is not a place. It is a mindset.

2. Simplicity appears, then disappears.

3. It is worth finding again and again.

I’ve been missing this theme. We are no longer “on the road,” and because we are settled and grounded in a “real” house, with a “real” yard with “real” responsibilities, simplicity has eluded me. Five years ago, I went to work, started making money, felt my ego grow, and allowed myself to become attached. While that was happening, the clutter grew, both in the physical world and in my head. One day I realized I had abandoned “the road to simplicity.”

After traveling around this country, living the free and easy vagabond life, I needed some grounding. It started off fine. Go to work, teach yoga and creativity, listen to life’s many complications and tragedies, empathize and process. Come home, work in the yard, cook food, eat and sleep. It started out simple. Then the road made a hard left turn and I lost my way.

I enjoy my work, mostly. I have been told that I bring unique skills to my job. I am allowed a broad range of possibilities. Yet, there is congestion, and confusion, and conflict. Some days I feel as if I am navigating a boat through an endless field of sticky mud. And the demons hover in the corners with their sarcastic grins, waiting for me to give up.

Last week I did, almost, give up. It felt like the time to walk away, take my toys and go home. I did, quietly, but with the intention of maybe going back. It hurt to imagine life without meaningful work. It was frightening to see an open field of tall grass in front of me. No obstacles, no demons, just grass and sky.

I’m still looking into that field, waiting for my courage to catch up with me. It’s time for this new perspective. It’s time again to simplify.

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