Hanging On Just a Little Bit Longer
Still, there are those last few things that haven’t made it to the “sell” pile yet. I don’t want to overanalyze, but part of this rebirthing process is understanding how you got to where you are and why you don’t want to go back where you just came from. Having said that, here are a few things I’m having trouble with:
Art supplies: I know I’ll use them again someday. It’s what I’ve planned my life around lately. I know the benefit of expressing yourself in ways that don’t involve words. I have plenty of art supplies in Virginia. Everything you can imagine, really. Yet, my heart tugs a little when I think about letting go of that tub full of fabric or those magazines I’d use for collage, or all that yarn or handmade paper. If it fits, I’m going to take it back with me. If it doesn’t fit, I’ll donate it to a school or hospital and have a little grief ritual, maybe with some sort of art process.
I did give some of it away though. I found a “ton” of kid stuff for making masks and some matting supplies and lots of fabric. The woman I gave it to is part of a non-profit that works with disabled children and adults. They only use recycled materials, which was great for me. The name of her program is Art Takes a Village. She offered to let me work with her once I get settled again. I’m thinking about it.
Office supplies: I know we must have three or four big plastic containers of office supplies. I seem to always need extra paper and pens and rubber bands and tacks and paper clips around. Lots of them. In every room. My mother says she has this problem too. We agreed that it’s better for us to just stay out of the office supplies department unless we really need something specific. But that rarely happens since we always have extras somewhere. So, knowing this about myself I am hesitant to let go of this one big bin of potential. If someone offered me $25. I’d let it go. Any kindred spirits?
In the end, which is coming soon, I will probably donate it all to some place that really needs it. Maybe Art Takes a Village would find some use for it all.
Beanie Babies and Handmade Dolls
This has to be the hardest thing so far. When we first got back and I found this box of Michelle’s unused stuffed animals, I knew that I should just donate the whole box to a hospital or some gifts for kids program. Then I started remembering…Michelle got all of these cute, fuzzy comfort toys when she was sick. Every time we went to the hospital for treatment she would get to choose one. Sometimes people would bring in handmade things as an extra bonus. Sometimes we’d be shopping at a craft store or a mall and I’d just buy her one. I walked a thin line between giving her comfort and spoiling her. It felt justified. Near the end, she lost interest in the toy chest at UCSF. She just wanted to go home afterwards. So that’s what we did.
I know that if I donate them, some other seriously ill child will get a short term boost. It will make them happy for a while. Then the feeling will fade and they’ll just want to go home. Is a small amount of joy worth the disappointment that follows? It’s a real dilemma. But I’m probably over-thinking it.
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