What if?

tkscovill ♦ March 12, 2012 ♦ 1 Comment

I realized this morning as I was planning what to pack today that this is only the beginning of a very long process. Once we reach our final destination we will have to un-pack, and that could take years. The big picture looks fine, take a big U-Haul to the east coast, put stuff in storage, come back, clean up any messes we left, get into the RV and take our time traveling across the country, landing somewhere near the water. Then what? Then we will have to start looking for jobs and a place to live. What is the job market like out there? What kind of houses will we find? Will there be mold and ugly paint colors to deal with? Do people still smoke in public places in the south? What about the weather? The area we are driving through is still in the midst of a record making tornado season. Will that be over in the next few months? How long will the money last? I could go on for about an hour, but the point is that “the dream” came very close to a nightmare in my imagination this morning. And it all started with packing boxes.

So, this is a good time for me to practice what I’ve been preaching for the past six or seven years. I will stay present, feeling these emotions, acknowledging these fears, but not letting them paralyze me. I will pack boxes today, and I will sort through more relics from the past, and my shoulders and neck will hurt and my mind will be tired, but I will be one step closer to the next step. The sky will be cloudy, the wind will continue to whip through the trees on three sides of our house, and tonight we will sit on the couch and watch tv for a couple of hours before going to bed. Life isn’t about what you do or what you have or where you live; it is about perspective. Today I’ll choose to look at the small picture and let the big picture unfold in its own time.